What is REALITY?
It’s part of our nature to need to feel important. We need to have purpose.
It’s in all of us to want to feel loved, accepted and validated.
That’s just how we work, it’s in our genetic make-up. It’s a FACT.
Now, this is JUST my observation, but I think the more time I spend looking at other’s blogs and checking facebook the LESS validated, important and accepted I feel. In fact, I know it contributes to my depression and feeling of being “alone”.
Why is that?
I did some thinking as I unloaded the dishwasher this morning in my sweats with my hair in shambles from just waking up. Feeling ugly and stinky. After finishing the dishes, I started checking blogs and facebook.
What a mistake.
As I read I thought to myself, hmmm is any of this supposed to help me feel good?
I read about homemade baby food and cloth diapers, a baby that was bilingual by 8 months, another just got back from a fabulous vacation to Hawaii with her husband, another is training for her 4th marathon and she has TWO kids. Another had pictures of her children dressed up in designer clothes playing in the fall leaves.
Everyone was smiling and well just about perfect in my mind.
After checking two or three blogs and being on facebook for about 15 minutes, I was feeling well BLAH. I immediately had an urge to run upstairs and grab my camera and start downloading all of the pictures of the fun things we’d done lately and then talk about how beautiful my son and husband are and all the fabulous things I’m doing to be an “overachieving” mother and wife. I am like that too!
But then I stopped.
I started thinking, why do I want to do that? Why should I do the same? Well I wanted to do it for the same reason other’s had done it, because it’s something that builds my self-esteem, it validates me and makes me think like I’m keeping up with everyone else, when really I don’t really FEEL like I’m keeping up with anybody.
But then I realized, it really isn’t wrong or selfish for people to blog and facebook about the things that validate them (especially moms), to blog about the happy times and the great things they’re accomplishing, it’s a human need. And for some I know, it’s like a journal. So why would people choose to blog about how they just got in a fight with their husband, how they’re running low on money this month, how their self-esteem is low, how their gaining weight, and how they don’t feel happy about life lately.
hmmmm, (more thinking), what is it then?! What’s a possible solution?! Who’s at fault here and what needs to change?
Aaa ha! Lightbulb!
Here’s the problem:
The problem isn’t people selecting to only blog and facebook about the happy times in their lives. I don’t think it’s wise to dwell on the negative nor do people want to read about it.
The problem comes when people like myself, spend TOO much time in the blogging and facebook world. When we are constantly CHECKING what our friends are doing, it can suddenly become our REALITY.
REALITY becomes people always doing fabulous things with their families, their kids are perfect, they’re perfect and they’ve got it all together.
When we spend everyday CHECKING what people are doing instead of ACTUALLY TALKING to them, we will have a distorted view of reality. We will miss out on what’s REALLY going on in their lives. We will actually begin to think that we are the only one struggling adjusting to the transitions in our lives and feeling validated in our different roles.
I know right now if I called up or even emailed any one of those friends and opened up and told them about my struggles, they would share some of their struggles with me too! They wouldn’t focus on the “things” that they’re doing, but on HOW they are doing. We would help each other by listening and relating.
I want to commit to doing more actual COMMUNICATING.
In fact, I know if we all tried to do a little more COMMUNICATING and BEING WITH PEOPLE a little more often,we’d feel a whole more NORMAL and have a lot better SELF ESTEEM. Life would be better.
So here’s to phone conversations, heartfelt emails, and lunch dates!
Ok, I’m really getting off the computer now….