Today has been a good day, better than I’ve had in a long time.
I woke up feeling like I just wanted to stay in bed but I got up anyways. It took a lot of courage but I did it and I’m grateful for Heavenly Father’s help. I felt like just staying in my house and just being alone, but I called up a friend and we got together an talked and it was great. I got home and started putting pressure on myself to do the laundry and do the ironing, but I journaled instead and meditated on some new ideas. Now the laundry and ironing are still sitting there and I feel okay about that.
I’m proud of myself for putting me first today instead of filling my time with “things to do” instead of doing things to really help me find myself and heal.
I believe in the concept of “fake it till you make it”. I started out this post by saying all the things that I basically had to force myself to do today and now here I sit so glad that I did! It’s SO easy to get into a rut with this stuff! I often think thoughts throughout the day like,” I should get up and take a shower and do something like go to the store or call a friend, that might help me feel better…” but then I think, ” I feel so bad today, NOTHING will make a difference“. I give up trying. I sell myself out. Nothing will work, nothing will help I think. But after a day like today I know that is not true! Sometimes forcing yourself not to the point of anxiety, but to a healthy point, works! It doesn’t FIX everything, but it does help make it more bearable. Don’t rule everything out, avoid thoughts like “nothing will help, it’ll just be better if I stay inside, I don’t want anyone to see me like this anyways…”
Pray to God for the strength and try it. It might not always help, but you’re moving in the right direction just for giving it a chance.
It feels at times that depression can rob you of almost everything. You wake up in the morning and feel numb or extremely sad which leaves you little zest for life. You have little desire to cultivate your relationships and friendships and so slowly you isolate yourself and lose some of the most important people in your life. You don’t really feel like doing anything that you used to like to do and you’d rather just surf the web or watch TV or just do anything that doesn’t require you to think or feel because it’s too much effort. You feel cut of from God and wonder if He knows truly how you’re feeling or how hard each moment is for you….
… So the question becomes who are you then and what purpose do you have? Truth is, it also can rob you of that, of who you think you are or who you thought you were, (does that make sense?)
BUT, it doesn’t have to. Notice in the above paragraph that I used the word “CAN” not that it “WILL”, meaning that it’s not inevitable that it everything you have and are will be “robbed.“
But you may feel like it’s already happened, truth is YOU CAN GET BACK. I promise. I’ve been there. And through the help of modern medicine, which (in my opinion, you use what works for you…) is necessary in the healing process of depression or any mental illness. Just like a person who has diabetes, they have to treat it and take medication for it to become stabilized. They also have to eat healthy, get good rest and exercise. I feel depression is the same way. For me it’s been the help of several professionals along with regular exercise, meditation and medication that’s helping me get there. I’m not embarrassed to admit that! Asking for help is not a weakness, treat your mental illness like the true illness that it is and don’t wait for it to get bad before you get help.
2 Nephi 31:20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of bhope, and a of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and dendure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eeternal life.