“La la la la, la la la la, Elmo’s world! Doo do do, la la la la la la la la Elmo’s world! Elmo loves his Goldfish, his crayons too! That’s Elmo’s world!”
Life in Elmo’s world. It’s interesting isn’t it? Maybe for some of you it’s “Dora world” or “Sponge-Bob world” or “Thomas the train world”, the list goes on and on…
I’ve been thinking a lot which is usually when I pull out this dusty old blog and decide to write! How do I know I’m doing a good job as a Mom? How do I know I’m teaching my son all the things he needs to know? Should I be doing something else along with being a Mom? Maybe a part-time job? Would I feel better about myself then? How do I accomplish my personal goals for 2012? For example, getting up early to exercise and get ready for the day before my son does when I’ve been up a couple times during the night with my son so instead I can barely get up when he does at 9am? How do I remember to just be grateful that I was able to bear a child of my own while juggling emotions of disappointment that I’m not accomplishing much these days but keeping my house and a little bottom clean?
I’ve searched through talks and forums and talked with a few close friends, including my own Mom about some of my insecurities, worries and wanting to find more happiness and contentment in just being a Mom. A couple of things stuck with me: have faith that I’m making a difference. That I chose this and that I should love my choice. Nobody forced me into this. That’s true. And really? I want to LOVE it! I really do! I’ve always wanted to stay at home and be the one to raise my own children. I didn’t feel in any way forced into this.
I remember one Mother’s day as a youngster sitting in church next to my Mom and of course she was crying, it was Mother’s Day! I assumed that it was because she was touched by all the wonderful things people were saying about their own mothers. That she was feeling appreciated and loved and enjoying “her” day in the limelight. Afterwards as we were driving home I asked her if those talks made her feel appreciated. “No, I actually really dislike Mother’s day, it always reminds me of all the things I didn’t do or still don’t do well as a Mother.” WHAT! That thought had never even crossed my mind before, it actually pretty much made my mind explode with sadness! “Mom, that’s terrible! You’re a great Mom!” And indeed she was and still is! I loved her and I loved the way she did things. Kids just don’t think things like, “Man, I wish my mom had done elaborate home-made stockings and gingerbread houses every Christmas! Or I wish that she had worked harder at teaching me a foreign language”. No way! So why is it that I put those strange expectations on myself! Why? I don’t really know. I’ve thought it over and over and just can’t come to a conclusion.
Tonight while I was talking with my Mom I asked her again, why can’t I just feel content with what I’m doing? With what I’m trying to do well? I feel like I’m being completely honest with myself in trying to new goals so I don’t just get stuck in the routine. I try to squeeze in time to read a bit of a book here and there (audio-books rock! I totally recommend them!) to keep my mind active and semi-educated. Otherwise, I would be stuck singing “Elmo’s World” all day in my head! For those of you that watch Elmo’s World, don’t you think it’s pretty funny when he plays the tune jingle bells on the piano and repeats the lesson of the day over and over again? “Birthday’s birthday’s birthday’s birthday’s bir-ir-irth-days!” Somehow it makes Logan smarter, but me so much dumber. I feel like kind of an idiot when Ryan comes home and starts talking about real world issues and I’m like drrrr….
I would love some advice on how YOU embrace your role as a Mom. What you enjoy about it and what you still haven’t figured out. How do you manage your time? What’s your day to day schedule like? How do you break your day up? Any quotes that motivate you? How have you developed your confidence as a stay at home Mom? I want to be more confident about my choice and love it, I would appreciate any love and advice you can give me!