Logan’s second birthday, kale and Harry Potter. There. I had to write out each of my ideas before I forgot about how I got to this point of wanting to post. First, Logan’s birthday.
It startled me how emotional I was this morning. Today was Logan’s second birthday. We celebrated it yesterday with family, lots of yummy food, balloons and warm weather.
I got so busy entertaining everyone that near the end of the party it hit me, this is Logan’s second birthday! I hadn’t even really been making sure HE was having a good time! Oh dear, guilt! I looked to find him at the top of his little kiddy slide. He was blabbering about the jets flying overhead and laughing. It really stole my heart, it was so cute! He was having a great time. Those are such precious moments! Moments that seem almost heaven like.
My mom and mother-in-law were chatting in the kitchen and as I joined the conversation they asked me if I was sad. Sad? Why? He’s growing up and I love it. I do not miss those little baby days at all. They were really hard for me! All he did was cry! Colic was the WORST. It was huge contributor to the post-partum depression I went through. Why in the world would I miss those days? So no, I’m not sad. Not one bit. And yesterday I wasn’t!
This morning (his real birthday) we got him up and sang to him and played with his new toys. Suddenly, it just came out of nowhere, I cried! What? I wasn’t sad, I was nostalgic. Ok, maybe a bit sad. It hit me that it is going fast, I mean REAL fast. Yet, still I could say with assurance in my mind that there’s no way I would ever want to relive that first year. But as of right now, I would love to freeze time. I swear he just barely turned one! How could he already be two! I had to admit that this past year went REALLY fast. That’s what brought on the tears. I laid down and let my tears stream out the sides of my eyes onto my hair. Ryan thought I looked funny trying to cry so “carefully” so as to not smudge my mascara. I really dislike putting on mascara so I wasn’t going to smudge it.
I guess what this comes down to. For any moms struggling with a colicky baby, it is going to get better. MUCH better. You will actually come to a point where you want to freeze time. It’s hard to believe, but I promise it will come. I have decided that I don’t need to beat myself up for wanting that first year of his life to just go fast. Nor should you if you have a tough baby. Realizing at the same that it has gotten so much better and that I need to step out of the mindset of hurrying things along. Things gotten progressively better and more enjoyable. Yet, I haven’t stepped out of the “ok, hurry grow up” mindset. I’ve been thinking that way since the day he was born. In talking to other moms, we’re all a little guilty of this. I wonder if most mom’s cry on their kids birthdays?
I love my Logan. I don’t know how say all that I feel without it sounding too cliche. It is amazing having a child. It’s incredible how they come so perfect. How they learn so rapidly. How they forgive so quickly. Logan is an angel. He really is. Tantrums and happy moods, he’s an angel. I am incredibly blessed to have him and to have come so far in learning to love all the stages of motherhood. Thanks to those who are helping me realize to slow down and soak up the everyday moments.
Next time, kale and Harry Potter….